Flipping Coins

I have never been good at decision making. The fear is in messing things up so bad that it would be "the end". This of course makes no sense. What ever decisions one makes will of course have an impact on there lives, but very little is permanent. One of the big choice I had was what college to go to. I got excepted into the three I applied to. One was already out in my mind so I was stuck between the last two. After hours of conversations, pro and con lists, racking my brain on the right thing to do I did the most logical thing. Flipped a coin.

The next couple of days I was miserable. If my emotions were so obvious now why was I not able to see what the right thing to do was before. I still don't have an answer. I ended up switching and was excited for the start of college. Something about no longer being in limbo and making a choice let me see what I truly wanted. I loved college, it had its ups and downs but I was so grateful for the experience (and the education).

I am now back at that point. A limbo of trying to figure out the right thing to do. My coin flip has lead to little success and I am still in limbo, which is a very uncomfortable place. This time others are involved in the lightest of ways and a much bigger move is going to be made. The question is who do I aim to please in the end. As for now each day will bring more information and hopefully a correct decision.  

Ah France!

I was lucky enough this last week to take a week off and go to France. Why you may ask, well the one and only most important thing in the world: family. My wonderful uncle turned 70, Jack the newest addition to the McEwan clan got baptized, and so many McEwan's in one place.

For me France is this great place from my youth. I was lucky enough to grow up there in this small town called Cognac and all of my cousins at one point lived in Paris so I got to go visit the city a lot. It was a place of running around in parks as small kids and a great place to be a crazy teen.

Going back on the other hand was kind of odd. I was not expecting to remember how to make my way around, yet I new the place like the back of my hand ( hey look some new freckles ). Jack being born really showed how much all of us cousins had grown. The Powers, our best friends, came out for a couple of days as well. On our way back to our places after a long night of great food, friends, and conversation Ben said " I would have never believed you if 10 years a ago you would have told me I would be walking the streets of Paris with Ian and Jenna.

No more Power Rangers, Ninja Turtles, or game of tag. Hot chocolate has turned into expresso, pizza to foie gras, " Ian hit me" to random friendly debates. Jack is now the baby of the family, Tom only 70 years young, everyone on new sides of the planet. Yet here we are Paris once more.

Some things never change just like when I was little and dad would put us on our planes to where ever it was we were getting sent to I was impossible not to cry. As I sat in the airport waiting for my plane all I could think of was how blessed I am so have so many wonderful people and places in my life.

Group Think

The concept of group think has been on my mind lately in both positive and negative ways. The definition of Group Think according to dictionary.com is "the lack of individual creativity, or of a sense of personal responsibility, that is sometimes characteristic of group interactions." The positive being how when I surround myself with people that I love, respect, and have an open mind set. The negative, being around people that don't allow anything but the "one and only" way to think; or just being around people that are constantly negative because your thoughts will turn that way.

"There is no one right way to live." My mother always tells me and the same goes with thought, though the two tend to go together. For most of my life the best way to learn was a sharing of knowledge. To discuss, ask, ponder, and try to understand. No one ever has to agree but you always allow for diverse opinions. So the question now becomes: how do you discuss or question in a culture were there is "one right way", and things are getting to a point where you are not allowed to discuss? Allowing the next generation to only interact with one type of group think is detrimental to the progression of the world culture.

Bhutan is one of my current favorite example of a country so inthralled with its past culture but is now opening the door to others. Social media outlets have allowed communication to help change the course of government in places like Egypt. No all people want to change which is great, if it ain't broke don't fix it. The concept of not allowing those around you to do as they please, or give them the opportunity to explore is baffling. In my book we should all get a Rumspringa of sorts.

So this has led me to ask:
Why don't people want a Rumspringa (for lack of a better term)?
Why do people force a type of groupthink on those who don't know any better?
Why do people hide others from a potential exploration of the world around them?

Learning Curve.

I guess one never stops learning. Obviously that is something we are all told: "Even once you leave school you will continue to learn." There was always this feeling that there was always going to be a level of people that know more or better. Someone to be able to tell me the next step or what the right thing is to do. "Go to school, get a job, do this, do that." At some moments these statements seam annoying or demeaning, but in the end it gave you a path to follow. Much like a rainy day hike that path is now washed out. People are people and humans make mistakes. No one person know everything (except dear old dad of course (always listen to your parents kids)). Doctors have a skill set that most people don't, and so do zoo keepers. Your boss will most likely know more than you do or have more experience in that particular field, but in the end only you really knows what is going on. Take all the advice you can get and learn from those around you, but don't kid yourself on the reality you are currently living.

Toubkal

Toubkal was an amazing experience. One of those good and bad, scratch that horrible, experiences. Toubkal is one of the highest mountains in North Africa. Day one is a6 hour hike and day two is 9. A couple of my friends hiked it before IST a Peace Corps training we had in Marrakech and had a wonderful time. My friend T told me that he and some of his friends were going and I was of course invited. I am about 7 hours from Marrakech and Toubkal is about 3 hours south of that so for all I new this was going to be one of my only chances so I jumped.

N was nice enough to let us leave our stuff at her place and than we made our way out. We stayed at a really nice hostel and made plans to start the next day. Unfortunately, not only did it rain all night long T woke up with some horrible stomach pain. He headed back to N's and the rest of us headed up the mountain in the rain. Due to the fact I am scared to leave my house due to harassment I have become quite unfit so this hike up was really hard. About a quarter of the way up we ran into another girl from PC E and her friend from the States W, and they were cool enough to let me walk with them as the rest of the group I had come with went ahead.

We finally made it to the refuge about an hour after the others; drenched from the walk in the rain and freezing cold I has sad to find that all of the contents from my pack were wet as well. The night was miserable. The next morning I heard everyone else get up and say that they were going to head up the hill. I not feeling so good rolled over to wake up an hour later and find them all gone.

I checked out and found that the path going up was washed out so I made my way down. Most of the time you are to stick to the donkey path, but because of the rain it was underwater. Somehow I ended up on the goat path at the top of the hills. One of the herders found this to be funny and made his friends with a donkey give me a ride to the right path. I than found myself one bend away from a guy who I though I lost to find he had just climbed a bolder for lunch. George a 56 year old German guy invited me to share his lunch, which was great because the group I had been with took all the food. We chatted for some time until I started back down the hill and he stayed on the bolder for a nap. I finally got back to the town below, stopped for hot chocolate and than made my way back to Tahanaoute to spend the night with T & N. We watched tv, had pancakes, and hot chocolate.

I have to admit the hike was a real bummer until I figured what I needed to do to make myself better and safe. This time things luckily fell into place. Toubkal really ended up being one big metaphor for my Peace Corps experience. I now know who will be there for me and that they will always be there. Now I just need to figure out what is best and safe for me and if the top of the mountain is worth reaching. For now I am just going to enjoy the waterfalls on this epic hike.