Participation

As Peace Corps volunteers our job is to integrate into these communities that we are placed in. This means we basically befriend everyone and participate in community events. As you know, Morocco, were I am placed is a Muslim country. This means religion seeps into everything, and religious holidays are the biggest events. Right now we are beginning Ramadan. This is 29 to 30 days of fasting according to the lunar cycle. Fasting, prayer, and charity are all big parts of this holiday. It is so cool to be placed in a location that is so different from anything else I have experienced. I am exited to learn all about the culture and religion and hope to participate in anyway I can. When it comes to religion it becomes a little tricky. Yes people try to convert me all the time and it can be a good way to learn more, but let's just say I am a long way from converting to any form of religion. I would however love to participate in any of the events they have. I have learned how to put on a hijab which is great for when my hair is wet and probably even better for when winter gets here. I have learned how to pray from my super cool host mom. Picked up a bunch of god phrases that are used in typical conversation, and I just know that there is going to be so many more events. Now though is Ramadan. Ramadan is intense everyone's daily schedule changes. People stop eating and drinking water and pray many more times a day. We are of course not expected to participate in anything we don't want to and when it comes to religious events this can get even more of a touchy subject. Volunteers are so exited to participate in anyway they can and this is the same when it comes to fasting. Ramadan is such an important holiday and the question that is asked the most not only by host country national but also by other volunteers is are you going to participate in Ramadan? For he longest time my answer was "I am going to try." Now that Ramadan is here my answer is "no". For me at this point in time for both my emotional and physical health fasting is not the best idea. My local hanut guy laughs at me as I guiltily go by eggs from him, and my fellow PCV's boo and ask me why. "It's 120 degrees outside and you think I should go all day with out drinking water?" Ok so that's no all there is to it but still. It's hot and I love water! Anyway I feel guilty that I am not participating in this one, but for me it's just not reasonable. I spent summers living with my mom and we finally figured out that when we both started acting a little snippy that it was dinner time and lots of arguments were settled by one of us saying "go eat something and then we will finish this argument". Anyway I am still expected to do my community integration and teach English and sports. Learning to live in another country is still taking its tole and everyone around me is still questioning if I will make it. I even have a small group of people that are rutting against me. That's beside the point. The Point. I want to participate. I want to learn. I even one day want to be able to day that I have participate and live through Ramadan, but I also want to do it right. I want my two years here to be a success. I want my two years of Peace Corps. It's tough to see my rock star friends fast and be able to walk out of the house and just mold into Morocco like they are part of the crowd. One day, enshaallah, I will have that too. As for right now fasting is not in the picture. I don't cook during the day, I don't eat or drink in public, and I admire those that are fasting. My goal for Ramadan is to finish the Quran, but there will be a water bottle at my side. Maybe next year with more understanding and a healthier happier outlook I will fast with my neighbors. For now I am going to read this book, thank whatever higher power gave me this glass of water, and listen to the beautiful call to prayer.

Religious holidays.

Today I woke up wondering if I would be allowed to have a cup of coffee or if I would go to hell for it. This is of course like most of my blogs and most of my first thoughts in the morning before my first cup of coffee a gross exaggeration. Ramadan in most of the world started today. Morocco of course wanted one more day of couscous before, so it won't start till tomorrow. Just kidding. I have only had one sip of coffee it will take a minute to kick in. Morocco goes back to old time for Ramadan so it's actually 6 in the morning not 7, and with just one sip of coffee in my I figure what is a better time than now to chat about the one topic we are not suppose to talk about! No not money, not politics, but don't worry we will get there soon, but this morning on the eve of one of the biggest holidays I figure we should talk religion. I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THIS TOPIC. YOU GIANT SQUIDS OF ANGER ON THE INTERWEBS DON'T READ INTO THIS IN ANY WAY PLEASE.! These are just my little lonely thoughts that will hopefully turn into something. When it comes to religion I am pretty uneducated. This seams like a silly statement seeing as I went to a Catholic school, was baptized Presbyterian, grew up praying in some form or another before eating or going to bed, and Christmas was always quite the event in my family. I have gone to church, youth group, and synagogue with my friends. I make the cross anytime a plane takes off and say bismila when I get in a car. Some form of a higher power however he/she/it maybe understood has been something I cross my fingers for, yet with all of this religion has always eluded me. Religion has always been something I was not really willing to go near. To me it was just something for people to argued over. In my life time I watched people as they refused to listen, talk to, or be near each other because they believed in different things. Then I watched as people began killing each other over it. I can't quite understand why this is so important. Yes, this sounds naive, I know but still this is one of those topic I just can't quite grasp the concept of and I found that if I just did my best to avoid the topic things would be fine. The college I attended was religious in some way. It had a chapel and had a world religions course that people loved. It was one of those classes that everyone took and everyone loved, except of course for me. I found myself lucky enough to be brought into the honors program which allowed me to replace all of my liberal arts classes with honors ones. This I found to be a gift from whatever higher power was looking out for me because it helped me avoid that topic as much as I possibly could. My really great friend in college was also my sorority sisters. It took us quite some time to actually become friends because well you just can't believe some of the things that this girl says. Once we finally became friends/sisters and found a place were we understood each other. We started spending more and more time together one weekend we took a trip together, and she had what we called a zenon moment. Like the girls from outer space in that Disney movie. The words that came out of this girls mouth was just so outrageous I could not believe it. Luckily it prompted me to ask the question I had truly been wondering this whole time. "how in the world are you still alive?" She stopped and looked at me and having realized what just happened, she had no clue. On the train ride back she was finally able to give me an answer. "the only logical reason that I am still alive is that Jesus loves me... A lot." We both giggled. As my college carrier was coming to a close, I began freaking out as most graduating seniors do. I looked to my friends for help and there were only two people around me that really seamed to just be willing to go with the flow. The only two were my friends S & J. These two people could not be any more different from each other, but the one thing that they do seam to have in common are higher powers J is Muslim and S is Christian, I asked both of them and they said that their peace of mind comes from their higher power and religious beliefs. I want that peace of mind and if religion is going to be the place to find it than it is time for me to start studying. After college I found myself with some time on my hands so I went out and got a copy of the Qur'an and the Bible and started reading. The Peace Corps finally became a thing and my free time went way. I was lucky enough to meet someone, E, who had recently been through his spiritual awakening, and has been a fountain of information for me. In the end this is a really long and boring way to tell you I still have no clue when it comes to religion and I don't know if it will ever be for me. E helped me realize that if nothing else I am a 2 gallon bucket and 3 gallons of crazy and some book probably won't help fix that ( you so know I am reading 7 habits of highly effective people after this...j.k). Anyway my plan is to finish the Qur'an and Bible if nothing else because they are lovely and poetic. I am currently in a wonderful position of living in a religiously run country and am going to be given the chance to hopefully partake in lots of religious events and plan to take advantage of them. Tomorrow the rest of the country will begin fasting. I plan to ask lots of questions whenever I get the chance. I still don't get it. I don't know if I ever will. I am jealous of the peace of mind my friends have found and maybe Ramadan will help me with that. I guess the one thing now is that I am openminded to it. Good, bad, indifferent. Anyway here goes nothing, quite literally nothing! No food or water! it is 120 degrees out here! Once the cannon sounds letting us all know we can eat I will raise my bowl of harara (Moroccan soup) to an open and hopefully enshaallah peaceful mind.

Rooftops

Here in Morocco I have gained a new found love for rooftops. Here rooftops have become this magical portal to another place. Ok so obviously I am getting carried away a little with my new found love but the thing is here as a volunteer or even just as an American or someone who is starting to work in a new environment there is a continuos pressure to be perfect. Not only is Morocco just a really judgmental place to begin with, i am once more the new kid, and this time the strange looking one to. Every move I make is judged even when i think no one is looking. I have been told this is called the fish bowl effect.Anyway Peace Corps puts you in training with all of these wonderful people, you become fast friends and then Peace Corps does what they told you they would do all along, but splits you up and sends you to different corners of the country. Luckily Peace Corps gives us a phone that lets us all chat with each other and we are lucky enough to be doing this in the age of technology where communication is simple and sometimes instant. Now every once and a while we are lucky enough to get time off or there be some big event that throes us all together in one place along with this tend to be some hotel with a rooftop, these have become wonderful places where we can all get together relax, have a drink, eat way to many potato chips, play spades, and have educated conversations with vocabulary higher than a fifth grade level. Now many of us are in our own home and these tend to have rooftop access or a small court yard as in my case. This is a little outside places that are hidden away from the curious eyes of those in our community, they give us a chance to be outside and do and speak as we please. A friend of mine came out to spend a week and this gave us a great place to sit, read our books, and drink coffee in our pj's (which would not be acceptable to do in a public place. Girls in cafes and pj's are not publicly acceptable here). The heat here has also been rising over 100 degrees and many of my friends have ended up spending the nights on their roofs because it is just to hot to be indoors. Anyway I am grateful for these wonderful little escapes.